Happy Chinese New Year readers!
Since there isn't much of anything to do at Kluang, I started reminiscing about my volleyball career so far. School level that is. and so I watched the video captured by one of the girls from SMK Tmn Sea on the MSSD final match, Tmn Sea vs. CHS. the longer I watched it, the more I feel frustrated. There's a whole lot of difference between the year 2010 and 2009.
I wonder why I didn't know captaincy was very important to me before. and quite frankly, important to my team as well. when the coach first told me I was the vice-captain of the team, I was like, "okay sure, I've been captain ever since I first joined the game, it'll be nice to be a normal player once more." and after that, I think that was the rolling stone that started the hellish year.
Watching the video and reminiscing what happened during MSSS, I believe all of those could have been easier, could have been avoided had I been the captain. you might say, "HAH, another bastard talking about self glory." but it isn't so. there is a reason why the team became weak, and I believe of all my teammates, I'm the only one still thinking about this.
Remember what I wrote earlier on that I had been captain ever since I started playing the game? there is a consequence of that. All of my teammates look up to me for years. when we're being trashed, and I produced a bit of magic, they'll be encouraged and fight a lot harder, unwilling to let the enemy team achieve an easy win, to prove themselves worthy of such a competition. this as evidence, if I remember correctly, was 2009's end of year competition. we were up against a much stronger team, but we gave 110% and made it hard for them. and I was captain during that time. I gave it my all, even had a serious injury that forced me into the bench, and in turn, my teammates reflect them as well. that was perhaps my proudest moment.
On the contrary, after I was told to step down, I feel they don't look up to me any longer, in fact, I feel they don't look up to anyone at all. which was a big problem. as an example, when we started losing a lot of points in a row, I broke the flow, but it wasn't like before, when it was enough to encourage my fellow teammates to fight back. and why was that? let me explain, if the captain of the team stepped up, the whole team will step up. if the captain falls, the whole team falls. the captain is much like the main support beam of a house. if it was brittle and broke, a little bit more taunting and the house will crumble. and I believe that's what happened. at the time, I was just a disposable furniture. making the place look nice, but took no part in maintaining the stability of the house. and so, that was why what I did, couldn't bring up my teammates anymore.
On another note, it's the position and role I played in the team. from an offensive player who front-lines the team's attack force, I was reduced to a defensive player only blocking and picking up the pieces. to be clear, ever since I started the game, I've been the main attack force AND shield. it's one of the reason why I can coordinate my teammates. I used to be the spiker, when the team was in a mess, who the setter will always feed the ball till the team settles down. but my position changed so drastically that the setter was unable to feed me the ball and was forced to use unstable-ing teammates.
I remember I kept on wondering why I trained my spiking, why I kept risking injury, why I kept getting scolded by dad, when at the end, I wasn't used at all, and wasn't much of a contribution to the team. it's like I became a wrong piece to the puzzle. and it had to be this year, my last form 5 year, that all of this happened. damn it.
